Chores or no Chores – A guide for effective parenting

In the modern and ever-changing world, parents can never have it all. It has now become even more important for parents to impart the skills that will help them with being responsible citizens of this connected world. And as is always said, the real teaching begins at home.

With the ongoing trends in parenting, there is a pool of information available on every aspect of parenting. Be it teaching, extra-curricular activities, or skill development, parents believe that they should provide the best of everything available to their kids. But these resources can turn out to be overwhelming at times. It has been proven again and again that no matter the number of expensive and interactive toys and games owned by the child, real-life lessons are always learned by throwing in some elbow grease. Thus, here is a list of some of the household chores for the kids to learn and a number of skills that are sure to help them sail through life.

  • Lessons in Responsibility:– It is rightly said that cleanliness is next to godliness. And what better way to teach responsibility to a child other than cleaning up after playtime? Small tasks like cleaning up fruits and veggies or separating the colors from whites are likely to give the child a feeling sense of participation and responsibility.
  • Lessons in Organisation:- It might sound like a difficult task but teaching your kids organizational skills from a very early stage in life is going to help them in the long run. Teaching them simple tasks such as sorting groceries, utensils and clothes can also help them sharpen their mental potential.
  • Lessons in Planning:- The ability to plan things out is an underrated skill that no one seems to talk about. This is amongst the most important life skills that children can learn starting right at home. Creating meal plans alongside parents, and helping in planning for feasts, and occasional celebrations on can help them learn the importance of planning in life. Tasks like this can help them feel competent and responsible as they can actually be the little hero that the family “needs”.
  • Lessons in Soft skills:– The importance of empathy and the power of compassion are other sets of skills that are very underrated and not generally paid attention to. After all, a human must possess humane qualities. But it is generally assumed that these are innate “skills” that can’t be learned which is a myth. Just like any other skills, these can be learned. Involving them in the daily errands at home is sure to help them understand what family is all about and turn them into caring and involved family members.

As Parenting expert Jim Fay, co-founder of the Love and Logic website, says we all need to feel needed and to know that we’re making a contribution — even kids. “But they can’t feel that way if they don’t have chores and make contributions to the family,” Fay says.

Children are what make family beautiful and it is the responsibility of the parents to help them get a sense of belonging involving them in chores is a great way way to raise responsible, compassionate, and confident adults which are sure to achieve new heights in their lives.

Signs of Toxic Friends for Kids

Sometimes meeting someone just clicks – you start being comfortable with them. They suddenly become one who knows your whole life as well as with whom you never have to pretend to be someone or something. You start sharing thoughts, confusions, joys, sorrows, laughter, cries, and moreover LIFE. That person undoubtedly is “A FRIEND”.
Friends support socially and emotionally, they help in removing our loneliness, also help us to feel happier and satisfy with life. But sometimes this person can be a one who is not correct for us. Sometimes some friendships might not have positive effects, friends may drain you mentally and can bring you down instead of bringing up. Such friends are TOXIC FRIENDS.
Wondering how to recognize a toxic friendship? Not sure about the ways of dealing with the situation or its effects? Lets lighten some of them.
Signs of toxic friendship that can be noticed in your child
As a parent when you will talk to your child you will feel some changes in him. A toxic friendship ultimately results in low self-esteem, high self-doubt and other high-risk behaviour. You will notice that your child will start isolating himself from social circles and may even like to live alone in their room when at home. This is how your child who don’t have healthy friendships could eventually suffer from cycle of depression and anxiety. Spending time with those who doesn’t bother about your child, who ultimately are affecting mental, emotional or physical health of your child is complete waste and unhealthy.
Sometimes your child will blame himself for his friend’s behavior, his self-esteem and self-confidence will hit, his grades will starts falling, on arrival of any particular friend his temperament will change suddenly, he will start lying or sometimes cry after fighting with that friend and then eventually will patche up.
Is this sounding familiar to you? If yes, surely then it is a clear indicator that your child is in a toxic friendship and immediate re-evaluation is needed. So here are some points that can help you save your child from such friendship.

Measures to be taken to deal with the toxic friendship
Now as you have monitored your child and understood about his friendship. Being a parent of a teenager you must understand the criticality of the situation. You can very well understand that he will try new things and you can’t control it as children of this age believe that they are old enough to deal with every situation in their life. Now as you have understood everything, before taking any action, monitor the deepness of the relation of your child and his friend from distance. If its deep, in such case you have to indirectly talk to your child, in a storytelling way or as sharing an incident of your life. “There were times when I was your age when I felt like this too”. Empathizing the child’s feelings this way allows them to feel understood and connected to you. You have to be very soft and polite in your approach and focus on your child instead of his friend, as talking about his friend may backfire you. This will help in an open communication instead of screaming.
Now you have to be most effective in your techniques of handling the situation. Here are some ways that may work according to the situation and behavior of your child.
Listen to them with open heart and without screaming understand them and make them understand what you want. Parent as a friend is a best relation for child. Try to be your child’s BFF.
Maintain trust of your child by assure him that you will not talk regarding this to his friends, relatives or anyone in the school.
Give an open-end to your child to speak. When the child opens up, again empathize with the feelings. “You have the right to be hurt. What happened with you is not worth. If I would have been at your place I would hurt too”. This way will catch his trust and child will open every aspect in front of you.
Be polite and patient with the child. As since some days, months or may be some years the child is seeing the toxicity, you have to be in contrast, very polite and patient while dealing with him and his situation.
Try to illuminate the toxic friend’s impact by making your child understand that he should not do such things with others as well in return.
Help your child to explore more friends with confidence in himself from other circles or approach former friendship that faded due to unhealthy boundaries.

You being a parent has to confront the situation without imposing restrictions, criticism, making straightforward comments about conduct. Be prudent and use various smart tacts(as you are smart enough parent, for sure. Talk to your child about goodness of virtues and values, what is right and what is wrong. Rightness has to be taught to children to make them decide about themselves. Explain that nobody can make them do what they don’t want to. This is the moment to shine as a parent, as you are sowing the seeds of what is right and saying ‘NO’ for wrong.
Moreover, mistakes are made to learn. Be firm and shower your love with the sense of being strict when required. Excessive pampering will ruin your job of shaping them. Physical and psychological punishments like shaming them in front of all will scare them and you will no longer possess them.
At the end I would quote
“A true friend would always love you—the imperfect you, the confused you, the wrong you—and accept who you are, but also help you become who you should be.”

How to manage a stubborn child

Imagine a crying child because he is not able to watch his favorite cartoon on a phone. Now imagine him rolling on the floor in a store because you didn’t get him what he wanted. A kid shows aggressive behavior like banging his head against the wall because he could not get what he wanted. This is a very common sight for parents nowadays.

We are all born with certain temperaments and children having those tantrums is very common. It’s OK when they are kids but a parent’s approach towards the child has a significant impact on the kind of adult they become. It is important to understand that stubbornness may be a part of the personality of some kids. But it might as well be a way for them to express their will in a way they feel is right.

And it makes it even more important to know the difference between a stubborn child and a child who is assertive about his wants. So it becomes the duty of the parents to understand and teach their children about better ways to handle their stress. It helps them to understand that they are in a safe space and can express themselves without the need to be stubborn about it.

Stubborn characteristics can come out in a child at any stage of life, whether it be infancy, adolescence, or teenage. With time it becomes necessary for parents to teach their kids the importance of balanced behavior and self-expression.

Here are some tips to teach your kid about compassion and humility. which can help them become a better person and develop healthy habits which can help them throughout their life.

  • Try to Listen: Listening to the child’s thoughts and demands is the very first step because communication is a two-way street and kids tend to learn what they see around them. Listening to the kids is a great way to avoid arguments and turn them into meaningful conversations. If the child feels that the parents are ready to listen to what they have to say it makes it easier for them to listen to the parents as well. The fussy eater might just have a tummy ache and not be able to clearly express what he is feeling.
  • Planned visits to orphanages and schools for specially-abled: Planned visits to orphanages and special-ed schools are a great way to help the child develop a sense of gratitude and privilege towards their family. It can also act as a great stepping stone in developing a seasoned maturity in the child’s mind that can help him grow into a responsible person.
  • Getting a pet: If possible, having a pet at home is a great way to nurture satisfaction and the role of caretaker in the child. Even if you can’t get a pet, alternative methods like having a daily schedule for feeding ants, street dogs, and birds outside the home can be used to bring the same effect.

Preaching or telling the kids what to do may seem like the right thing but what children need is a healing and compassionate touch because nurturing is as much a spiritual ordeal as it is physical. Tell the child stories of people around him, which he can look up to instead of fairy tale heroes because while fairy tales may inspire them to develop morals, inspirational figures from real life may change his heart to do the same things that they are doing or perhaps even greater things in life.

Necessity of Assembly in School Life

School Assemblies are a boon to one’s life. Not only for a student’s life but it works for you throughout your being. Children being children never realizes the merits of school assembly unless being told in a correct way. Just Like a breakfast, they are key start to a new child’s day that benefices them growing in a self-disciplined responsible adult with a sense of creating a well-developed community.

It’s about a day when I started the school in 1989 and for the very first day I went to the assembly ground. There were around 175 students from various schools. I after seeing them praying during assembly had a thought of weaving one that is perfect in all the senses. I begin the job of assembly designing and believe me, it was outside the normal range of duties for me. Nevertheless, within some days I got success in designing a perfect one. During this designing I realized one very important aspect of “belongingness”. Belongingness to God and most importantly to our soul. Our body is nothing but a dress or cover that our soul is wearing. So we all are souls and God is our Supreme Soul, our father. At the very start of day when leaving behind the whole negativity, we collectively bow to that supreme power and immerse in him, it generates a divine positive energy. The celestial aura created by all puts everyone in an incomparable feeling of divinity.

In addition to this, as days passed I experienced with my students and the staff members that the development of a child is like a flower of 8 petals that includes Spiritual, Emotional, Physical, Social, Habit, Mental, Language and One Skill. When during assembly a child devotes himself to the Supreme God, he opens up completely to accept the knowledge in all directions. When he prays and meditates his connection with the one supreme soul develops him in the direction of Spirituality, Mentally, and Emotionally. When the child assembles with all the members of his school family and celebrates all the social or religious functions or events including birthdays of students they develop themselves Socially.

When they see the way the teacher and the administration bless the child in a completely unique way and when they read spiritual news and thoughts they learn to communicate, they develop their language and IQ skills as well. When the students come to pray, meditate, exercise and yoga they strengthens themselves Physically. This overall development of a child is possible with a perfect assembly early in the morning that generates a habit of devotion to God. This brings the required protocol in life.

Another aspect that works and is very important part of our life that can be developed during assembly is the “Posture”. A posture is a very important part of our well being. The way we sit, walk, stand all matters a lot in our life. So while assembly the posture that works perfect is mudra. Yog mudra is one of the superior mudras that reflect very positive vibrations along with the connectivity with our self. To understand, sitting like a hermit results in the powerful and enlightened aura around us. Just like if you mimic like a rat you feel like a rat or if like a lion you start roaring like a lion. So I worked on the mudra while assembly which resulted in a great change.

Above all when we sit all together, the Human energy works collectively. Energy of human resource is a power light house that emits the light of positivity which works together so great during assembly that it feels like many halogens are lighting up all together.

When I delivered these information to all of my students they were immediately connected to me and understood the concept behind morning assembly. This made easy for me to correct many aspects which works great when done properly and resulted in overall majorly internal development of students.